


Nothing Left To Lose (But You) (And I Would Go To War For You)

by QueenoftheWallflowers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Clarke is into diy, F/M, Magic, Magic-Users, Protective Bellamy Blake, Roommates, Sex, Soulmates Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Wanheda Clarke Griffin, Witch Clarke Griffin, Witchcraft, tw: witches burning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23683912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheWallflowers/pseuds/QueenoftheWallflowers
Summary: She runs away the night of Samhain, leaving all she has ever known and the people she loves behind. She has no choice, not if she wants to live.Something pulls her to Sanctum and there she finds something she didn't think she could ever have.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Octavia Blake/Gabriel Santiago | Xavier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 32
Collections: bellarkescord easter exchange





	Nothing Left To Lose (But You) (And I Would Go To War For You)

**Author's Note:**

> Brooke, I really hope you like this. Writing this... it was like magic. I have never been able to focus my all on one thing but this was different.  
> This was inspired by two different ideas you had- witch Clarke  
> [pic.twitter.com/rM1ugOoSuP](https://t.co/rM1ugOoSuP)  
> and the magic mood board you posted on your twitter  
> [pic.twitter.com/zZDHfDxVfB](https://t.co/zZDHfDxVfB)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke runs away and finds herself drawn to to Sanctum.

She runs away the night of Samhain.  


Everyone is too busy, laughing, drinking, casting spells, dancing to notice her disappearance from the ball. Luck is on her side as it’s a masquerade ball and the mask provides her an allusion of safety.  
She's just another person in the crowd, her blonde hair pulled into a bun, her black dress elaborate with a low neckline and low back, and pink mask sparkling with small diamonds. She is by far not even one of the most elaborated dressed.  
Her mother had frowned when she saw the black dress, but Clarke needed to be one of the crowd tonight, besides, she could not dare wear the blue dress her mother had chosen. She wasn’t sure she could ever wear blue again. Black was elegant, perfect for the occasion and suitable for what she was about to do.  
She moves out of the way as someone sweeps past her, so the feathers on the woman's dress don't brush her. She shakes her head as she makes her way to the corner of the room, to better look at everything.  
She takes in the elaborate chandeliers, the floating candles, the flowing champagne bottles, the flowers, the swirling of dresses and cloaks from the dancing couples, the music coming from the instruments.  
It’s beautiful, a celebration.  


But she doesn’t feel like celebrating.  


Clarke looks around the room, eyes looking for the key players.  
Her mother is standing in a corner with Simone Lightborne, her red dress and lack of mask making her easy to spot. Clarke wonders to herself how on earth Simone can stand there talking to her mother after what she had done.  
After Josephine.  


She searches for Russell, finding him standing on the staircase, arms crossed talking to Kane, as they look down at everyone, both men wearing black clocks, they too lack a mask.  
They seem to be arguing and a part of Clarke is happy about that.  


She sees Raven on the dance floor, arms around a tall blonde man who is twirling them off the ground, the levitation spell keeping the pressure off her leg. She's dressed in red, the slit showing off her brace because Raven Reyes has never been one to hide who she is, her mask is a softer shade of red, and Clarke can see the red swirls on her arms, a girl risen from the fire.  
Clarke's hand reaches upward for the small deer on her necklace.  
She misses her friend but the past few months, the past few years had put them on opposite sides of things.  
The girl she once called a friend, called her sister was gone.  


She finds Indra next, she's the only one wearing a silver dress. She stands near the edge of the crowd, champagne glass in one hand, eyes scanning for any danger. Indra has never been one to relax and celebrate.m  
She did not become one of the longest and most liked (and most hated) council members for nothing.  
Famous for being understanding, she has many enemies among the council.  
Despite the fact that this is a holiday, she refuses to let her guard down.  
Her daughter is on the floor, laughing as she spins around.  


Clarke finds Lexa sitting at a table, her eyes on the dance floor, she's dressed in black, her hair done in braids, black swirls on her arms and face. She looks as dark and dangerous, nothing like the soft girl that Clarke had once cared for. Lexa does not dance, not anymore.  
Finally, Clarke's eyes scan the room looking for him.  


A hand on her shoulder causes her to jump and she spins around to find herself looking for the last key player.  
Murphy is not a council member, he holds no important role, no important title, but he is important to her. He is actually the only person she can still call a friend.  
Someone who will always understand her.  
But if she was to pull this off, she needed him to be far away from her.  
For it to succeed and for his safety, he has to hate her.  
Murphy gives her a smirk and touches her mask gently.  
"Hiding? Thought you would love to be the center of attention."  
Clarke shrugs, trying to shake off how uncomfortable she is that he was able to find her.  
But then again Murphy has always been good at finding her.  
"I don't feel like dancing."  
He looks at her for a few seconds and Clarke wonders if he knows or suspects her plan, "Dance with me? The dress is begging to be seen. Just once, for old times sake?"  
Clarke should say no, but her heart clenches at the realization that if everything goes according to plan, she won't be seeing him ever again.  
So she nods and she lets him take her hand and lead her to the dance floor.  


As they line up, Clarke takes the time to memorize him.  
He's dressed in black- black pants, black shirt, the only pop of color he has is the blue cloak over his shoulders.  
He had blue swirls on his cheeks- protection symbols she realizes, identical to the ones on her leg, hidden by her dress.  
As he pulls her closer, she sees the black eyeliner he has, making him look regal.  
His mask has been painted on, the black and blue offset by the small lines of gold.  
"You look good, Murphy."  
He dips her and Clarke cranes her neck and when he pulls her back up, his hands are on the small of her back, pulling her closer.  
"You know I love the chance to party."  
He leans in closer to her ear and she feels his lips skim her cheek, anyone who sees them will think they are a couple.  
"Besides, how could I stay away? How could I let you leave without saying goodbye?"  
She pulls away to look at him, eyes wide and he gives her a soft smile.  
"I've known you for more than half of our lives. Do you honestly think I wouldn't know what you were going to do?"  
She doesn't hesitate, burying her head into his shoulder, blinking back tears.  
"I can't stay. Not anymore. I have to do this"  
His arms tighten around her.  
"I know. And I can't come with you."  
Clarke nods.  
It's easier for her to leave on her own, two people on the run is harder but she is glad that he doesn't make her say it.  
“They are going to make me find you.”  
His finger digs into her back and she lets out a soft sob.  
She knows that too, they will make him hunt her down, drag her back. They won’t stop until she’s back and if Murphy wants to live, he’ll do it.  
“When you do, don’t let them burn me.”  
He presses a kiss to her cheek and pulls away, spinning her around.  
He dips her again and the song ends as he pulls her back up.  
They wordlessly slip out of the room and make their way outside and he pulls her into a small alcove and Clarke pulls off her mask to look at him.  
He looks at her softly, in a way she never thought he would look at her. Like he’s trying to memorize her and she has to blink back tears.  
She’s lost so much. Her father, Finn, Josephine, Wells, and now Murphy.  
He traces something on her cheek and Clarke recognizes the pattern- protection.  
He then reaches into his pocket and holds out something to her and she unwraps it to see a summoning candle.  
"You need me. I'm there. Fuck the council."  
She nods and he presses a kiss to her forehead.  
"Be safe, Clarke."  
As he walks back into the party, she whispers.  
"Take care of yourself John Murphy."  
Murphy turns around as he gets back to the main door but she's gone, the invisibility spell having done its job.  


She’s been planning this for months since she found out the truth about her father.  
Since Josephine was killed.  
She had done her research, saved every bit of money she could.  
Her bags have been packed for weeks.  
But it doesn't stop her heart from pounding.  
It doesn’t stop her from feeling guilt as she makes her way into the building and makes her way down to the basement.  
What she is about to die will weigh heavily on her.  
Getting past the guards on duty is too easy. They may not be at the party but they are celebrating, drunk and happy.  
The first person she comes across is an old lady, her crime- having read some fortunes at a carnival.  
When the lady sees her, she reaches for her hand.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Clarke lowers her mouth and closes her eyes.  
The woman’s hand falls to the ground when she lets go.  
The next few are easy, some are eager for her. She offers them a better alternative than burning.  
Some are angry and she’s afraid that their yelling will attract more people.  
By the time she is done, she is exhausted, almost dead on her feet.  


* * *

She feels bad as she uses her magic to unlock the car but she reminds herself that her life is on the line. And it truth be told it’s not even the worst thing she has done that night.  
As soon as they realize what she has done, what has happened, they will be looking for her.  
The farther away she is, the better.  
She drives the car south for six hours until she pulls into a CVS parking lot and buys some red hair dye.  
She hates the color but it was the cheapest.  
She's tired but she has to keep going.  
She ditches the car in the parking lot of an inn and breaks into one of the rooms.  
She sits in the chair, as the hair dye sets and then in the shower as the red dye streaks down her back, she lets herself cry.  
She cries for her father, for Josephine.  
She cries for herself for what she has done.  
She lets herself sleep for a few hours and then makes the twenty-minute walk to the bus station.  
She pays the first ticket to a bus heading west, she doesn't really have a destination in mind except for the fact that she needs to be as far away as possible.  
She gets off the bus nine hours later and hops in another one heading north.  
As the bus drives, she finds herself nodding off.  
She's supposed to get off at the last stop but as the bus stops at a lot where the name Sanctum is painted on the sign, she feels something.  


A call.  


An urge to stay here.  


She knows she should ignore the voice in her head that is telling her to stay but as she looks at the sign and watches as people get off, Clarke knows that this- Sanctum is where she needs to stay.  
So she does.  
When the bus pulls away, Clarke takes a deep breath and closes her eyes and lets herself take in everything around her.  


There's a storm coming.  
She can sense the air.  
Something is coming.  


Clarke ducks into the bathroom to cut her hair and change her clothes and she flushes away the last of Clarke Griffin. Her eyes land on the ID in her hands. There is something wrong with her using her dead friend's name but it reminds her of why she ran.  
Josie Santiago.  


That comes crashing down when she steps into the dinner.  
The waitress is blonde with a kind smile.  
"Hi, what can I get you?"  
"A hot chocolate please."  
Clarke sits down at a table and pulls out her sketchbook.  
Without meaning to, she finds herself sketching some of the elaborate outfits from the ball.  
The hot chocolate is placed in front of her and she looks up at the woman.  
"My name is Harper."  
"Josie."  
The name comes off easily and Clarke hates it but Harper doesn’t seem to notice her discomfort.  
“What can I get you?  
"The breakfast special please?"  
The sign promises twenty-four breakfast and Clarke needs her comfort food.  
The diner is full of noise, people laughing and talking and Clarke tells herself to relax, that no one is going to kill her here.  
They only see a red-haired girl with blue eyes, not a witch.  
Not a criminal.  
As she leaves the diner, Harper calls out.  
"Have a nice night Josie."  


It happens a bit like a movie.  
There's a crash and both women turn to look at the sound and Clarke stops.  
The source of the crash is staring at her, eyes wide, hands trembling while his friend is kneeling to pick up the shards of glass.  
Clarke is stripped bare as she lays eyes on Gabriel Santiago.  
She feels like she is dreaming as he calls out her name.  
"Clarke?"  
All eyes are on them and Clarke wants to bolt, she needs to run, put distance between her and Gabriel.  
But he's in front of her, hand wrapped around her wrist and she still can't move.  
Suddenly she is seventeen again, sneaking out with Josephine and Murphy to go to a college party. That's when it all started.  
_They were seventeen, drunk on magic, thinking they were on top of the world.  
They used their magic recklessly, not caring because they had been taught that their magic, their powers made them special, that the Council was right.  
Oddly enough the night Josephine met Gabriel it had also been Samhain.  
Clarke remembers it clearly.  
Josephine had been stunning in her tight black dress, pointy hat on her head.  
Clarke thought it was ridiculous they were supposed to be dressing up like something she wasn't, but Josephine had laughed.  
"No one is going to know that I'm a real witch, it's dramatic irony at its finest."  
Clarke knows that there is no stopping her so she lets the blonde woman curl her hair and slide the crown on her head and lace up the corset dress.  
If Josie was going to be a witch, then she would have to be a princess.  
When Murphy sees them he whistles and Josephine laughs, pressing a kiss to his cheek.  
Murphy is dressed in black pants, red horns on his head, his shirt unbuttoned.  
They show up to the party and Josephine mutters under her breath as she dips her finger into the alcohol.  
The magic laced alcohol packs a punch and Clarke is drunk after two cups.  
Murphy sneaks off to play some beer pong and he starts to rake in money as he magics the ball to make sure he never loses.  
Josephine drags her to dance and as they move their hips, Clarke can't help but laugh.  
Josephine raises her hands as bubbles start to appear, drifting around them.  
Clarke knows she shouldn't, one of them should be careful but she's seventeen drunk off alcohol and magic and the fact that they have snuck out that she can't help but join in. She closes her eyes as the lights start to change color, cold air drifting through the windows and she pulls Josephine towards her, faces closed as she lets herself go light.  
Her feet rise a few feet on the ground and Josephine giggles.  
Josephine joins her and there are enough people around them that no one sees them, no one notices two girls whose feet are not on the floor.  
But the crowd shifts and as Clarke raises her hand into the air and turns, she finds herself looking at a boy.  
He's tall, a white medical jacket on his frame, black hair, his eyes are wide and Josephine turns to see what she is looking at and her breath hitches.  
Both of their feet land on the ground with and Clarke is spinning around looking for Murphy.  
"I got him. Go find John."  
Clarke finds him winning yet another game.  
"We have to go! We messed up, oh gods we messed up."  
Murphy lets her pull him away and they wait by a tree until she comes but when Josephine comes, she shakes her head.  
"I couldn't. It didn’t work. He has some kind of protection."  
_ They go home and spend days waiting to be called in front of the council, to be punished but nothing happens.  
Three months later, Clarke catches Josephine kissing the boy who saw them, who's name is Gabriel and her friend's eyes are pleading with her to keep silent.  
"Please, I love him."  
Clarke can see how much her friend loves him and how he feels about her and she knows that she should say something, report them but she can't.  


It's always been them against the world.  
So she keeps silent and three years later, her best friend burns.  


Someone is shaking her and she opens her eyes to see Gabriel. His hair is shorter and then is a streak of white in his hair, a reminder of the loss they faced.  
"Gabriel."  
He is crying and Clarke is thinking of the last time she saw him and she shakes her head.  
She doesn't fight him as he drags her out of the diner.  
She curls up on his bed, one leg tucked under her as she whispers why she left, how she got here, how she felt drawn to this place.  
She doesn’t tell him what she had done, that is her burden and only hers to bear.  
She cries as he tells hers about how good this place is, how safe it is, and how good it is to see her.  
Gabriel is good and if she stays, she will destroy him.  
But she can't say no when he begs her to stay.  
She can’t say no because he is the last reminder she has of her best friend.  
She falls asleep, his arm around her and it's the first night where she doesn't have a nightmare.

* * *

Bellamy Blake is beautiful. He's taller than her, shorter than Gabriel, with dark soft curls and soft eyes and everything about him screams protector.  
Clarke's skin and nerves buzzes and her heart pounds.  
There is something about him that she can't put a name to but it's enough to make her want to run.  
When Gabriel asked if she would stay at Sanctum, she found it hard to say no. She was tired and she wanted to hide and this sleepy little town seemed perfect for that.  
So she says yes.  
She can’t stay at an inn permanently and Gabriel has just moved in with his girlfriend and Clarke can’t ask him to stay there.  
But Gabriel has an idea.  
With Octavia moving in with him, there is a room at Bellamy Blake's cabin in the woods.  
Clarke is not thrilled with her roommate but Gabriel reassures her that Bellamy will leave her alone and ask no questions.  
As Bellamy eyes her up and down, Clarke can’t help but think that Gabriel is lying.  
Bellamy Blake is just full of questions and she has no answers to give him.  
She’s half hoping he will say no but Bellamy looks at her and nods.  
She moves into the cabin that same day.  
The cabin is honey and the second Clarke steps foot in it she feels safe in a way she never has at her family manor.  
There are colors on the wall, a cozy fire, shelves, and shelves of books, there is snow outside but Gabriel tells her about the gorgeous field of wildflowers that is there in the spring and summer and Clarke nods, telling him softly that she plans to leave at the first sight of Spring.  
Gabriel isn't happy with that and they get into an argument that ends up with Bellamy frowning at her as Gabriel storms out.

She can't help but flinch as Bellamy brushes past her, groceries in his arms.  
He starts to put things away and Clarke follows him.  
There is something about him that is getting under her skin and the sooner she leaves the better.  
But as he stretches his arm to put things up on the shelf, his shirt rises up and Clarke swallows at the cluster of freckles on his hip.  
She clears her throat, jerking her eyes back up.  
"Thank you for letting me stay."  
He turns to look at her and she tries not to shift as he stares at her.  
He opens his mouth, closes it, as if trying to find the right words.  
"Gabriel asked me... I couldn't say no."  
"It means a lot."  
He runs a hand through his head and Clarke can feel the waves of curiosity roll off him. He steps towards her and she steps backward and he stops.  
"Look, I know it's none of my business... but Harper said your name was Josie but Gabriel called you Clarke and Josie was the name of his dead fiancee... look I don't know you and I don't know where you came from but if you are here to mess with Gabriel..."  
Clarke can't help but gasp.  
"I would never. Gabriel... he's important to me okay. I could never, ever hurt him."  
She doesn't realize she has moved towards him until Bellamy's shirt is twisted under her fingers and she can feel something that she refuses to name.  
He looks down at her and she sees the small scar above his lip and the freckles on his cheeks and she can’t but once again think that Bellamy Blake is beautiful.  
"As long as we have that established that."  
His voice is low, sending shivers down her spine.  
There's a pause and Clarke can taste the tension and she licks her lips and his eyes drift downwards.  
"He's good."  
The words and _you are not_ go unspoken but they are loud.  
Clarke pulls away and she swallows.  
"I'm going..."  
As she turns around, he calls out behind her.  
"I need to know, are you sa...who... what are you running from?"  
Clarke doesn't answer him.

Clarke's plans to avoid him cease when she wakes up to find him making breakfast the next morning, shirtless  
She had not seen him the day before having unpacked her room then going straight to bed, ignoring his knocks.  
She hasn't been with anyone since Lexa, almost a year ago.  
Seeing him shirtless is throwing her off  
It's the only reason why she can't stop looking.  
His back is towards her and she can't help but memorize the dips of his backs and the freckles that are gathered on his shoulder and lower back.  
She hasn't had the urge to paint in months but suddenly she wants to dip her brush into the bright colors, Bellamy is soft reds and yellows and bright blues and purples.  
He turns to look at her and Clarke freezes.  
He gives her a look that makes her want to draw an invisibility rune on her body and hide from him.  
But a part of her feels as if he would be able to find her regardless of what spell she does.  
A jolt of electricity brings her back to focus and her eyes land on his fingers around his wrist.  
She looks up at him and his eyes are concerned.  
"How did you sleep?"  
Without thinking she says "No nightmares."  
She is sure he can feel the way her heart is pounding under his fingertips, his finger rubbing circles on her wrist.  
"That's good."  
She nods and she lets out a breath when he lets her go.  
"I'm heading to town if you want to come with me."  
Clarke shakes her head.  
"I'm good. Just want to stay in."  
The fewer people that see her the better.  
Bellamy frowns but he leaves it alone, serving her a plate and they eat in silence.  
She waves goodbye as he climbs into his jeep.  


As soon as he is gone she runs to her bag and grabs her supplies.  
She grinds up juniper and rosemary and mixes it with some mistletoe. She places it in little bags and then makes her way around the house, hiding it in the little nooks and crannies.  
She grinds up some white sage and rosemary and buries them outside.  
She hangs some eucalyptus in her shower and she draws protection runes on the windows and door frames of the house, placing an invisibility rune over it so Bellamy won’t notice.  
She hesitates outside of Bellamy's bedroom door.  
He's a stranger to her, he's wary of her and she can't trust him just because Gabriel does and because he has shown her kindness but he had opened her house to her, putting himself into unknown danger and the least she can do is offer him the same protection.  
She opens the door and makes her way to the window.  
There is a pile of books on the windowsill, and two small pots, one of a bamboo plant, the other a cactus and it makes her smile.  
She draws the rune on his window and as she turns his messy bed catches her eye.  
The blankets are a mess, they remind her of Bellamy's curls and the bed looks warm and inviting.  
She flees back to the kitchen and pulls out more things from her bag.  
She grinds up some bay leaves and tucks them into one of the shelves of his library.  
She scatters her candles around the house, determined to protect him because it's all she can do .  
She makes a few extra pouches for Gabriel just in case he needs him and then she grabs a book to read because she needs something to do that Bellamy won't find suspicious.

* * *

She and Bellamy fall into a routine for the course of the next few weeks. He asks her how she slept and she lies about the nightmares she’s been having. He makes breakfast and goes to town alone but asks her every day if she wants to come with him. He leaves and she spends the day drawing, painting, and grinding and spellcasting. He comes home in the evening and curls up with a book while she draws or they’ll watch a movie. Some nights, she can’t help but look at him only to find him peering over his book. Every time she catches him looking at her, she can’t but blush. Some nights the looks he gives her are soft and other times he looks like he’s curious and wants to pry the answers to his unspoken questions out of her.  
He manages to drag her out for Thanksgiving and she meets Octavia Blake, as the girl had been away for work.  
Octavia Blake is wild and beautiful and she reminds her of Josie that Clarke has to lock herself in the bathroom and cry a bit.  
In another life, Octavia and Josephine could have been best friends or enemies.  
She's fiercely protective of Gabriel and her brother and she spends dinner grilling Clarke much to Gabriel and Bellamy's disappointment. But Clarke doesn't care.  
Octavia asking her questions reminds her of her mother and how she would grill her during dinner, it's a familiar feeling and Clarke finds herself enjoying dinner.  
She overhears Bellamy and Octavia arguing but Gabriel pulls her aside and she presses a bag into his hand.  
"What did you tell them?"  
Gabriel slips the bag into his pocket.  
"Everyone thinks you are on the run from an ex."  
Clarke lets out a bitter laugh  
"Better pity than fear."  
"They aren't like that. They wouldn't be afraid if you told them the truth. I didn't."  
Clarke sighs as she looks out at the snow falling outside.  
"Yeah, but look what happened. Josie and my father are dead and you nearly died.”  
Gabriel doesn't have a response and they rejoin the others, Bellamy's eyes on them as she curls up on the couch, next to Gabriel as they start to talk about art.  
She seems to pass whatever test Octavia set up for her because the grilling stops and she joins in the conversation, showing off her tattoos Clarke let herself be talked into a second and third glass of champagne, laughing as Bellamy presses his knee against her as they play Cards Against Humanity. He wraps an arm around her as they walk to his jeep and she laughs as they almost slip on some ice and tries to ignore the feeling in her stomach as his arm tightens around her and she can feel his laughter.

He drags her out of the house to go chop down a tree for their cabin and Clarke laughs as the snow hits her face. She forgot how much she loves the smell of pine trees.  
It reminds her of the trees that used to decorate her house. Her mother always went all out but her father used to help her put up a tree in her room and they would make their own decorations for it and it was beautiful, a mix of kindergarten like ornaments (curtesy of Murphy) and small gentle metal ones from Finn and Raven, Wells’ paper cranes and Josie’s glass ornaments. Clarke pushes away the longing she feels for them and instead she lets herself smile as Bellamy hums along to the radio.  
His gloves are big on her hands and his scarf is wrapped around her neck a few times and he holds her hand as they walk through the small forest because she almost slipped on a hidden patch of ice.  
Witch or not, she is a klutz.  
There are plenty of people looking for their trees but Clarke presses closer to him as he leads them down a path where the voices are not as loud and where people are not looking at her. Her red hair is fading and she hasn't decided whether to dye it or not, liking the way Bellamy’s eyes had light up when he saw the blonde streaks. She blushes as she remembers twirling a strand of hair around his fingers.  
“You really are a princess.”  
They manage to find a nice pine tree and Bellamy wraps his arms around her as they work together to chop down the tree. Clarke lets herself enjoy the sensation of his arms around her and the way he looks at her as the snow covers her nose. 

He comes home early one day to find her making a candle and he seems interested in learning so Clarke swallows her fear as she teaches him about how she makes her natural candles.  
Bellamy is a hands-on learner and they stand side by side, arms brushing, his hip presses against hers as she shows him how to cut and grind the herbs and how to measure the wax and it's not long before he is helping her melt the wax.  
She finds herself relaxing, as the radio plays softly, as she sorts out the lavender that will help her get some restful sleep.  
She tells him about what lavender is good for and he tells her about Gabriel and his sister.  
Clarke is happy that Gabriel has moved on, he deserves too, but she can't.  
Her guard is down and Bellamy is smiling at her in the way that makes her heart skip a beat.  
She turns away to grab something off a shelf when she hears a sharp gasp.  
She spins around to see Bellamy holding his hand, a red burn on it.  
Clarke doesn't even hesitate, she grabs his hand and runs it under cold water and she lets her magic do the rest. She can feel her magic flowing out of her into Bellamy and she feels guilty.  
If Bellamy hadn't been helping her, he wouldn't have gotten burned.  
This is her fault.  
She’s so lost in their thoughts, in her guilt that she doesn’t register Bellamy talking to her at first.  
"Clarke, I think I'm good now. It doesn't hurt anymore."  
He pulls his hand out of the water and Clarke grabs it, examining it.  
His hand is smooth but he has a lot of calluses.  
The burn is red and Clarke hates it- she hates the bright red on his skin, the way it reminds her of the fire that burned Josephine and without thinking she raises his hands to her lips and presses a kiss to the mark.  
Bellamy makes a choking sound and she drops his hand, taking a step back.  
"Clarke?"  
“I’m sorry!”  
She runs, locking the door to her room.  
He knocks a few times, calling to her, “Clarke, Clarke. I’m worried. Are you okay? It’s just a burn.”  


She hears him leave and an hour later Gabriel is there.  
She lets him in and he crawls into bed with her.  
"Bellamy keeps asking me a lot of questions about you- how do we know each other, what you are running from."  
"He said you kissed his burn."  
Clarke turns to look at him and Gabriel’s eyes are soft, and he tucks some hair behind her ear.  
"Clarke, Josie, she wouldn't want you to do this."  
She shakes her head.  
"Don't Gabriel. Josephine is dead because of me."  
He sits up and Clarke follows him, his hand is tight around hers, not letting her pull loose. He looks at her, a serious expression on his face.  
"You had nothing to do with that."  
Clarke lets out a shaky huff and gives him a sad smile.  
"I should have protected her better."  
"You would have died."  
"Maybe I should have!"  
The room goes cold and Clarke can’t believe that she said that out loud.  
Gabriel drops her hands and she hates the look of pain on his face, the look she put there.  
He gets out of the bed slowly and he looks at her. He opens his mouth and then closes it and shakes his head.  
"If you actually think that Josie would have wanted that, if you think that she rather you be dead, then I... "  
He shakes his head.  
“I can’t. I can’t do this with you.”  
He leaves the room, pausing by the door.  
"Bellamy, he's good. He's good for you, you know. He likes you."  
Gabriel doesn’t slam the door but the words still hurt. His parting comment about Bellamy worms its way into her brain and she can’t stop thinking about him.  
About the small moment from earlier, about them making candles, the way he cooks her breakfast, the constellation of freckles on his skin.

 _Clarke is burning, she can feel the flames on her skin and she can hear screaming.  
Josephine is in front of her, eyes wide, hair in flames and then there is pressure around her chest and someone is calling her name._  
She wakes up to Bellamy's arms around her, him calling her name.  
Her shirt and blankets are soaked through with sweat and she is crying, gasping in fear and for breath and he picks her up gently and carries her to the bathtub.  
She clings to him, burying her head into the crook of his neck.  
He sits there, holding her in his lap until she calms down.  
He helps her out of her shirt and turns on the water. Clarke knows she should feel uncomfortable being half-naked in front of him but she just feels hollow.  
He dips his hand into the water testing the temperature and helps her into it. He is about to leave when her hand shoots out to grab his hand. She gives him a pleading look, not sure how to ask him to stay without opening her mouth but he seems to understand her plea and he gives her a pitying look and sinks down onto the floor as she wraps her arms around her legs.  
He lets her sit there for a bit, letting a few tears slide down her face and then she feels him reaching over her for something and then he is running his hands through her hair, lathering her head and she tilts her head back as he washes her hair.  
She lets herself relax, focusing on the way his fingers lather her head, and how good it feels to have someone touching her. She lets herself focus on how gentle he is, and how he is careful not to get anything in her eye.  
She can’t help but want to stay like this for a while longer, so she lets the tips of her fingers skim the water and the water goes from lukewarm to warm.  
Eventually, however, she does have to get out. He gives her a shirt and a pair of shorts to wear and then he carries her to his bed and places her among the soft, warm blankets.  
Outside she can hear the howling of winds and she can feel the storm that is coming in her bones. Despite how warm Bellamy’s bed is with all the blankets, she feels cold.  
Bellamy plugs in his phone and pulls out another blanket from the closet.  
“Are you cold?”  
She realizes that Bellamy is stalling, he’s worried about her.  
She licks her lips, “Bellamy…”  
"Do you want me to stay?"  
She nods because if she opens her mouth again she might tell him things. She might tell him how he is getting under her skin, how he makes her feel safe. She might tell him how she plans to run in the spring and he might be able to talk her out of it. She might tell him about her father, about Josephine, about who and what she really is. She might tell him about what she did or how scared she is.  
Bellamy turns off the light and slips under the covers. He slips an arm around her and she buries her head into his chest as he runs a hand down her back. In the dark, it's easier to let him hold her, to admit that she needs him.  
"Do you know the story about Hades and Persephone?"  
He doesn’t wait for an answer as he starts to tell her.  
Clarke falls asleep the sound of Bellamy telling her about the brave goddess who fell in love with a god and became his queen and the feeling of his hand running down her spine, under his shirt.  


Something changes between them after that.  
The distance between them, the wall she had built are down. Suddenly he is everywhere.  


He makes her hot chocolate in the morning, his fingers brushing hers as he passes her the mug. He sits on the sofa, book in his hands as she draws, making conversation or simply looking over her shoulder as she paints. He tucks a blanket around her when he manages to coax her to watch a second movie, his shoulder against hers, hand on her knee. He buys her art supplies and sits down in the kitchen while she paints in the living room, staring at her as the sun hits her hair. He insists that she teaches him how to make candles again and she gives in. He tells her about his sister and his mother. He talks about his love of history and how he is writing a book, how he has some smaller novels published and when Clarke begs for the books so she can read and later praises him, she can’t get the way he blushes out of her mind. He teaches her his mother's sugar cookie recipes, holiday music filling the house as he laughs throwing flour in her hair. She teaches him how to make her father’s famous apple pie and when she falls asleep after two slices, he starts to call her Princess more often. He comes home with flowers (and she has no clue where he gets them because it’s December and everything is pretty much dead) and they make her smile because for once she is getting flowers just because, not because they are meant to impress her- daughter of a council member, not because she is to use them in a spell or potion of pouch.  


They decorate the house and Bellamy's friends come over but Bellamy is there to keep her from being overwhelmed.  
Harper marvels over her blonde hair and Bryan loves her artwork and Emori pours her cup after cup of eggnog and when they all curl up on the couch, Clarke curls up on Bellamy's lap without even thinking since there are no other seats.  
She doesn't see the way his eyes widen or the look that passes over the other’s face, especially Gabriel's face.  
Bellamy laughs as she settles herself against his chest and she doesn’t even realize she is falling asleep until she feels him carrying her to bed.  


_She’s dancing in the snow, her head thrown back and Murphy’s hands are in the air and snowballs rise in the air and Josie is screaming and she can see Wells and Raven in the air above her. Two arms grab her around her waist and she screams as she’s thrown into the air and she turns to see Roan, his arm around Luna who is barefoot, an amused look on her face._  
She wakes up with tears on her face and when Bellamy sees her that morning, he puts down his spatula and turns off the stove.  
“You okay Princess? Nightmare?”  
She shakes her head.  
“No, it was a good dream… a nice one.”  
She can’t really explain it besides the fact that she misses everyone but then her eyes land on the calendar and she freezes.  
It’s Murphy’s birthday.  


She blinks and Bellamy becomes blurry.  
He holds out his arms and she lets herself fall into them as she lets herself cry.  
She and Murphy have spent the last few birthdays together, their small group dwindling down. They would have spent the day curled with movies and eating pizza and she would have made him a cake and used her magic to give him a hard time with blowing out his candles. They would have stayed up all night and then when it got dark they would have gone to the roof and camped out there, their magic keeping them warm.  
Bellamy’s arms are tight around her and he’s rocking her back and forth but she manages to pull away.  
He cups her face, brushing away her tears and Clarke closes her eyes.  
“Do you… do you want to tell me about it?”  
Clarke’s stomach growls and she laughs.  
“After breakfast?”  
He presses a kiss to her forehead and goes back to eat and she gets the couch ready.  


She tells him about her dream, about all of them waking up early one winter morning and running out when they saw the fresh snow. She laughs as she tells him how Luna and her brother ended up winning the snowball fight because they were twins and had twin telepathy.  
Then she tells him about her friends. How Murphy taught her how to cook. How Wells was her first kiss and they used to play chess. How Raven was so smart and how Clarke was always choosing her first. How kind Finn was and how he loved to make things. How Josie was daring and reckless but she loved her anyway. She tells her about how Roan used to let her practice braids in his hair. How Luna and her brother were quiet but wise.  
She tells him about how she and Murphy celebrate his birthday and when Bellamy asks her, “Why don’t you call him”, she shakes her head, “I can’t” and he says nothing but squeezes her shoulder.  


She ends up going back to bed for a nap and when she comes down to dinner, the chairs and stools are missing and she enters the living room to find all the blankets in the house, draped over them and the sofa and she lets out a soft cry.  
Bellamy pops out of the blanket and when he sees her he scrambles out.  
“I thought you were sleeping!” He runs a hand through his hair, a blush on his cheeks.  
“I… I… you were so upset… and.. and I made you a fort.”  
Clarke has never seen him so flustered and she can’t help but leap into his arms. He lets out a sound but his arms are wrapping her around tightly and she presses her lips to his neck and he buries his head into hair.  
“Thank you.”  
Bellamy lets her pick a movie and she squeals when she finds Practical Magic. They settle themselves in the fort, pizza in hand and popcorn in a bowl and start the movie.  
Clarke has an obsession with magic movies and this one is one of her favorites. She knows most of the lines and she can’t help but mouth along.  
She’s so invested that she doesn’t notice Bellamy looking at her.  
They watch Stardust with Clarke laying on her stomach, a dreamy smile on her face.  
Halfway through the movie Bellamy drops a blanket over her and hands her a pillow before he lays down next to her. Clarke can’t help but nudge him with her elbow and she giggles when he nudges her back. Sometimes in the middle of The Craft, she falls asleep, curling her body into Bellamy’s. She hears him mumble something about getting her into bed and she tucks herself into him, wrapping his arm around her.  
“No, wanna stay with you.” She moves her head to say it but Bellamy moves in closer and that’s how she kisses his nose.  
She doesn’t see his expression, the warmth of his body luring her to sleep.

* * *

For Christmas, Bellamy gets her a book of flowers and herbs and a hand-knitted blue sweater, a shy smile on his face. She presses a kiss to his cheek for the gift and gives him a book of myths, with the pictures drawn by her.  
He sweeps her up into a hug, his lips on her neck, and he spends the rest of the day reading while Clarke reads through her book.  
The weather is warm and soft and the softest shade of blue that reminds her of a clear blue sky and Clarke loves it.  
Later that night, Clarke sits in her room, pine needles, nettles, and rose petals on her bed as she ties them into little bags for the new year. She manages to hide one in Bellamy's room a few days later and while she feels guilty for doing it without his knowledge she tells herself that it is for his own good.  
All thoughts she had of leaving are gone.  
She's tired of running and there's no way they can find her here in Sanctum, in the middle of nowhere right?  
Besides, she wants to stay. She wants to be selfish and stay.  
She wants to stay with Bellamy.  
Clarke isn't sure how to tell him that she wants to stay here in Sanctum with him.  
And Bellamy is waiting for her to tell him that she is leaving.  
He finds himself hoping for more and more snowstorms not knowing that Clarke is praying for the same.  
Clarke has never been the type to fall in love quickly but Bellamy, he makes it easy.  
She's had her fair share of partners but not one has made her feel this way. 

* * *

Clarke won’t say that she has been avoiding Gabriel, but she has.  
But eventually, she does need to talk to him. She needs someone to take her shopping and Gabriel is the only one who can take her.  
It's a risk but with winter coming to a close, Clarke needs materials for Spring Equinox and Beltane and she rather make one trip then make the trip twice.  
So she sucks up to ask him.  
They plan the trip on the day that the Blakes are busy and make the three-hour drive.  
It seems silly driving so far to get her stuff but Clarke is paranoid.  
However, the three-hour drive means they have a lot of time to talk and as much as she wants to avoid it, she knows that eventually, she will have to tell Gabriel.  
They manage to make the first hour of the drive with just the radio playing but Clarke’s leg is shaky and she just wants the conversation to be over with so she turns the radio down  
“I’m staying.”  
Gabriel doesn’t even blink but he does tap his fingers on the steering wheel.  
“I know.”  
Clarke rolls her eyes.  
“No way, I just figured it out.”  
“Clarke, I knew you were going to stay the second you crawled into Bellamy’s lap.”  
“I was drunk!”  
Gabriel laughs, giving her a look that makes Clarke squirm.  
“You were happy and safe. Look I don’t why or you ended up here or what’s got you so scared that you ran but I can promise you, you are safe here.”  
“I can never truly be safe, not as long as they are looking for me.”  
“How do you know they are looking for you?”  
Clarke stares out the window at the snow-covered road and the other cars.  
“Because Lexa will see it as my betrayal, and my mother, she won’t stop till I come home.”  
Gabriel seems to sense that that is all she has to say and he leaves it alone.  
When they get to the shop, Clarke has a brief moment of panic and she wonders if she will be arrested if she sets foot into the shop.  
But Gabriel pulls her in and she slides her hoodie over her head.  
The lady doesn’t pay them much attention and Clarke is able to get most of the materials she needs- candles and crystals, and a few empty bottles. She stocks up on witch hazel, sage, mugwort. She picks up a few seed packs, if she is going to stay at Bellamy’s, hopefully he won’t mind her doing some planting.  
As they are leaving the woman hands her a flyer and Clarke nearly throws up.  


It’s her.  
It’s her face and underneath it is a reward.  


Gabriel grabs the flyer, thanks the lady, and the second they get into the car, he asks her.  
“What did you do Clarke? Or should I say Wanheda?”  
Clarke shakes her head, trying to keep herself together.  
“I’m not driving until you tell me what you did.”  
“I killed them okay! I killed 100 people and now I’m the Commander of Death and they are going to kill me.”  
Gabriel opens his mouth and then closes it. He shakes his head and scoffs and then finally he turns the car on.  
They drive in silence.  


When they get to the house, Clarke enters the house and everyone starts talking at once. The room is full of people and her eyes search for Bellamy’s automatically and she steps back as he glares at her.  
She feels cold.  
“Everyone out now!”  
They all file out silently, Octavia knocking into her on her way out.  
“Bellamy.”  
He shakes his head, his hair is a mess like he’s run his hands in it several times and the look he gives her is gut-wrenching.  
“I thought you left.”  
“Bellamy.”  
She drops her bags onto the couch and reaches for him but he pulls away from her and it breaks her heart.  
He’s closed off to her and she hates it.  
“I thought you left.” The words _left me_ rings in her ear.  
“Bellamy… please.”  
He turns away from her and talks to her room.  
“If you’re going to leave, leave a note so the others won’t worry.”  
He slams the door to his room and Clarke sinks to her feet, feeling as if the rug has been pulled out from under her.  
She forces herself to stand up and takes her stuff to her bed and then she grabs her cloak and Murphy’s candle and heads outside.  
She weighs her choices.  
She can call Murphy, talk to him and then go somewhere else so he isn’t at risk of dying if the council finds out he knew the truth.  
She can turn herself in.  
She can stay and try to fix this.  


She can feel her emotions bubbling to the surface, all the guilt and hurt she is feeling is there and she throws her hands in the air, a loud guttural scream erupting from her lips.  
Overheard the clouds that were gathering move closer and grow dark.  
Clarke sinks to her feet and buries her hands in the sand.  
This is her punishment, this is her punishment for being Wanheda.  
Snow starts to fall, heavy and the winds pick up and Clarke stays there.  
She stays until her fingers are turning blue and she can no longer feel the pain in her heart.  
She staggers toward the house, but everything is fuzzy.  
She hears something that sounds like her name and then nothing.

Clarke wakes up in Bellamy’s bed the blankets piled high, socks on her feet, her hair braided. There’s an arm holding her close and he’s talking.  
“I’m still mad at you, but please don’t leave me. I need you. Please don’t leave me.”  
Clarke’s eyes flutter shut.  
When she wakes up again, the bed is empty and there’s breakfast on the table.  
No Bellamy.  


They fall into a pattern.  
He leaves in the morning and comes home late at night. He leaves her notes and they are like strangers.  
Clarke hates it.  
Her paintings are dark and sad and angry and Gabriel isn’t talking to her.  
A few days later she doesn't even bother to get out of bed, let alone leave her room.  


She’s digging through her closet when she stumbles upon the seeds she brought and she thinks about how spring is coming and how she brought these seeds because she wanted to stay.  
And then she knows what to do.  


She calls Gabriel up and begs him to help and he drops the things off at the doorstep.  
He's still not talking to her but the fact that she wants to stay earns her points.  
She knows that Gabriel won't ever understand why she had to do what she did but he loves her.  


When Bellamy comes home, there are small pots on the windows and kitchen counter, little labels on everything.  
Clarke watches from her doorway as he smiles as he picks up a small pot with the label of lavender.  


A few days later he comes early and they stare at each other before he gives her a small smile.  
A few days later, her laundry is folded on her bed and the week after that he’s there for breakfast. Clarke asks him to go to the library with her a few days later and his smile reminds her of the sun. She finds him in the history section, nose buried in a book and her heart pounds and when he looks up, embarrassed to have been caught, his cheeks are pink and she fights the urge to press him against the shelves and kiss him.  


Spring comes, the snow is all gone, her plants are growing and they dance around each other.  
She waters her plants while he makes breakfast and he smiles when he catches her whispering to them. She starts going to town with him, she visits Gabriel while he goes to get coffee with Miller. They make dinner in the evening, music playing as they teach the other. He teaches her his mother’s recipes and Clarke shares a few of Murphy’s. He helps her with the candles and when she finds out he knows how to sew she begs him to teach her.  


She’s not good at it. She can’t sew straight and her stitches are too big and Bellamy is so distracting that she ends up pricking her finger one night.  
“Ow.”  
She raises it up and sighs.  
Bellamy hasn’t said a word and Clarke turns to look at him.  
“What? You’re not going to make a princess comment?”  
Bellamy ignores her and his hand closes around her wrist and he examines her finger and then raises her finger to his lips to kiss it.  
His eyes meet her and she swallows. She licks her lips, her throat dry and his eyes are dark.  


She’s not sure who makes the first move but his lips are so soft and his hand cups her face, while her hand is trapped in between their bodies, clutching his shirt and his other hand in her braid holding her close to him, his fingers skimming the back of her neck.  
It’s soft, hesitant, magical and Clarke feels like she can fly.  


He moves to pull away from her, and she chases his lips, pulling his shirt and him closer to her and then it’s different, certain, rougher. Her hand tugs on his curls, her nails scratching his scalp lightly and he lets out a guttural moan and then she’s in his lap and he bites on her lower lip drawing a gasp from her.  
They kiss, barely letting the other take a breath before they pull the other one back towards them.  


Eventually, Clarke can’t stop smiling and they have to break apart and they exchange grins, her braid is undone and his curls are a mess and she’s sure her lips are swollen and Bellamy has her lipstick on his face and she laughs. Bellamy presses his forehead against hers, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time” and she rubs his nose with hers, not able to find the words to express how happy she is.

**Author's Note:**

> Brooke, I hoped you loved this as much as I did.
> 
> Special thanks to Zoe for reading this over at like 2AM and giving me feedback.  
> Special thanks to Ley for helping me with a title


End file.
